I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
