Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
