she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
