Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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