dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
