I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
