google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize