The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
