and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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