i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
