I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
