I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
