My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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