Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize