I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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