i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
