Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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