If that was your dad, he is hot
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
