I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
