i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
