I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
