I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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