Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
