She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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