How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
