Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize