"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
