someone threw a dead crab at me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
