I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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