I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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