yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
