I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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