We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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