Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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