Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
