Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
