I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
