My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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