I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
