she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
where am i from again
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Come see our sink grown plant.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
