So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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