i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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