dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
