i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
