friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
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