I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
