And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
