i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you're hired as official boob wrangler
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
