Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
