If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
