I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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