And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Enjoy the penises
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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