someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize