so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Less talking, more tequila
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
