Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
