my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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