All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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