as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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