What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
