rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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