OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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