Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize