On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
