I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
