we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he laminated a picture of his dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
