Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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