just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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