watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
