I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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