so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
