i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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