i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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