i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
