dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
