Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
