Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize