you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
