Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
