Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
