I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize