It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
