You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
