i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
