Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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