I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
