the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
