im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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