I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Im part way to drunk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
