i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
