I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
