Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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