chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's never too late to be topless.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
